I had 4 hours sleep last night.

My alarm will go off at 5.30am.

I should go to bed but I know it’s a futile excercise. I won’t sleep, and if I do, it’ll be restless. So instead I’m trying to exhaust myself by playing with the look of this place. Not sure why I bother, not like I’m round here much lately. Still finding damn cobwebs everywhere. And I’m sure once Tony is back my time here will dwindle once more. Not because he won’t let me, or doesn’t like me to, heck he’s always asking why I haven’t written much of late when he knows how much I used to enjoy it. But because I won’t be using it as simply a distraction from my exhaustion and the lonely hours.

To be honest I’m not sure why I don’t write much these days myself.

Well I guess if I was really honest that’s not exactly true. I’m well aware of it. Part of it is simply that the things that are on my mind are not for sharing with everyone. At the end of the day, once you write something on the net, it’s out there for all and sundry to see, and even if you deleted it straight away, it would be sitting in some feed reader somewhere. I have password protected posts in the past, but realistically, deep down I WANT someone to read it. If I didn’t I would use a paper diary, or not write it at all wouldn’t I?

I guess the other reason is that if I write, I want people to read it, and leave their thoughts. Don’t we all? But seeing as how I haven’t been to a single blog for at least 3 months other than to quickly glance through them in my reader, and therefore haven’t left a comment, it would be rather rude of me to ask others to leave one here right?

Oh well, shit happens and eventually I’ll find the right spot in my life for blogging once more. Right now I have other aspects of ME that I need to get back first. If I don’t, then once again this place will be something that I’m not because it won’t really be ME writing will it?

I do know one thing.

My eyes are so freakin tired right now that my usual 40wpm is down to about 2wpm as I correct my damn typos.

Gonna hit the hay.

Wish me luck in finding the sandman.

Sweet dreams to one and all.

Oh if you’ve managed to get this far, here is your reward. God I love this photo…enjoy. Tell me, would you pay money for a shot like this of your kidlets?

Anyway, enough of that, onto the reason for the title. I spoke to him as he was waiting for his boarding call at the airport and he told me he had done a few things at home. Here’s one of them:

Isn’t he nice boy! He bought me lovely bunch of flowers and wrote a sweet little note and put it under the vase.

Speaking of being a nice boy, he washed my car on the weekend. The new one. Oh did I forget to tell you about that?! Well seeing as how some silly cow ran into the back of me back in May, and the insurance company wrote it off and sent me a cheque that was more than we paid for the car in the first place, we decided to buy another one. Well not brand new. But new to us. There was enough left over after selling the old one and all costs to get some personalised plates. Here are some pics. Click the thumbnail to see the bigger one…..

It’s a great little car. Electric sunroof and windows, air cond, wicked little stereo..and it’s white (obviously!) which meant I could finally get me some of them purple plates I always wanted…oh and if you don’t understand the personalised plates, I aint explaining it!

I’m off. People to chat to and new laptops to play with….

Cheers,

When arranging to meet an online friend for the first time, clarify WHICH Gloria Jeans to meet at, it saves both of you sitting at different stores wondering “Where the hell is she??!”

No apologies made for the page load time with 43 pics on here…I love taking photos so it’s fair to assume that I’m going to have them on here from time to time isn’t it? I’d prefer to use the space I’m paying for with the hosting rather than a freebie place that has limits…

Hope you enjoy these as much as we enjoyed the day.

This post is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

Password:

Been catching up with a few old school friends on facebook the last few days. And it’s all a bit weird.

How can just ONE photo bring back not only memories, but all the emotions and thoughts that I was feeling and thinking at the time? The stupid part? School wasn’t always that great to me. Not academically, in that sense I was ok…but socially.

I had friends, don’t get me wrong, and they were great. And seeing their faces both now and in photos of back then, I’m reminded of some very good times and of just how much I miss them, and the friendships.

But there were also those that probably wonder to themselves “Kelly WHO?” Those who seemed to go out of their way to make me, and others, just feel like total and utter shit. I’m left with the memories of that, and the emotional scars that go with it. The worst bit though? They wouldn’t have a bloody clue what I’m talking about. Pretty sure they don’t remember the not so nice things they did or said at school….

Never in our lives do we have more friends than when we are at school, and the same goes with enemies or foes. The emotional bonds we form are strong, and can last a lifetime. So too are the resentments and bitterness towards those who weren’t always as nice as they could have been. These relationships helped shape the adults we were in the process of becoming during our senior years at high school, so it’s little wonder that in reminiscing I can see where some of ME has come from.

I’m at a time in my life where I’m not just redefining myself as I’ve done so often in the past, but after recent events I’m literally finding myself again. Is it merely coincidental that some of the people from my past who made me feel so good about who I was have resurfaced? Could the same be said for some of those not so savory characters who are in part responsible for the “I’m not good enough” issues that seem to be a recurring theme in my life?

Who knows, all I know is that THIS time round, I will not give a shit about what people I don’t even like think of me. Of course I understand they may not be the same people anymore, and am open to new beginnings, but still….memories are hard to erase aren’t they? I guess the positive side to that statement is that maybe just a shared history and the bonds of a lifetime ago are enough to bring people together once more despite some of us being a mere shell of what we were when those bonds were formed…..

For those of you who know some of what has been happening in my life, I ask that you keep it to yourself please..there are some who read this blog who don’t know and I would prefer to keep it that way for reasons of my own which I don’t need to or care to explain here.

For those of you who don’t know, don’t ask, there is probably a very good reason you don’t.

I’m not sure what this place will turn into. I have a funny feeling it’s likely to simply become my notepad. Things to do, reminders of the good things in my life, crappy feelings, dreams, etc etc. It’s likely to be disjointed and bordering on the undecipherable at times, but it is one piece of the puzzle that I am attempting to put back together.

Once I have successfully integrated blogging of some sort back into my life I will attempt the harder task of returning the favor to those who still stop by and still read my gibberish…..

Much luv to all,
Kell

To Sarah McLachlan for the following…I thankyou, I could not have said it any better myself.

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There’s always some reason
To feel not good enough
And it’s hard at the end of the day

I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
Let me be empty
Oh and weightless and maybe
I’ll find some peace tonight

In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear

You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There’s vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting
Keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack

It don’t make no difference
Escaping one last time
It’s easier to believe
In this sweet madness
Oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees

In the arms of the angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear

You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here

You’re in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here